Session 7: The Cave of Soyjack.

Preface - Kkalvaitis on twitter, when it was only twitter, posted a rumor about The Cave of Soyjack shortly after Brovenloft Season 1. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait to play in this dungeon during Brovenloft Season 2 Electric Boogaloo. When the time came he didn't seem interested in running it for a season. I couldn't let this golden idea die, so I picked up the torch and decided to run this dungeon, with respect to the meme source material. There was minor prep involved. I just reskinned some enemies and printed a dungeon off donjon.com.

Player Characters:

Jean Var Rouge - Level 1 Human Paladin Lawful Good

Antione La Flare - Level 1 Human Cleric Lawful Good

Lucky Bowmen III - Level 1 Halfling Thief Neutral.

Down Time - The PCs ask around Dublin how they can return home. The Irish reveal the Soyjack menace from the mists was also in Dublin. There is a mysterious cave carved into a face that was found in a marsh outside of the city. They believe the soyjacks are coming from and their might be a way back home deep within.

They also find a new party member named Lucky Bowmen III. He is an Irish halfling thief that identifies as a leprechaun. He is happy to assist the party for a cut of the loot. They hire several Irish men at arms which are half cost due to cheap Irish labor.

10/20/23 - The party travels to the Cave of Soyjack at the top of the morning. They do not run into any encounters on the walk there. They enter the mouth of the cave and descend the crudely carved stairs. The party stumbles upon a hallway with two doors. They decide to skip the first door and go to the second. Lucky checks for traps and fails his roll. Looks good to him... A hireling tries the door and when he opens it he gets sprayed in the eyes by a blinding gas trap. Lucky tries to tamper with the trap and it sprays him in the eyes with a little residual gas. He is blinded. Antoine uses Lucky's description of the trap to find the fill canister and refills it with water. The party pulls out of the dungeon for a hour so Brother Weynon and Antione can prepare cure blindness( Damn those wisdom bonus spells) and heal both newly blind men.... dratz!

They go back in for round two, and travel into the room of the trapped door. Their is nothing of interest in here except another door with a strong lock. It takes several tries but Lucky cracks it. Unfortunately wandering solo Soyjack wanders into the room. Combat is quick and any damage the soyjack dealt to a man at arms is healed by Antione.

The next chamber was much larger. Their are spirals of green stones shaped like four leaf clovers cover the floor. A stone sarcophagus lies on the West side of the room, but what captures the party's interest is in a large white book case in the South West corner of the room. It is filled from head to toe with heretical manga ranging from Naruto and One Piece to hardcore hentai and loli manga. Jean screams," We must burn these heretical texts !" He torches the book case in place with Antione and after it burns down they realize their is a doorway behind the book case revealing another room.

The party staggers into the secret room to find it loaded with Large crates, body pillows with scantily clad manga women, and seven thousand gold scattered across the room. The crates were loaded with some kind of flask which Lucky identifies is made out of a polymer. They are brown and white with the label "Soylent". There are also several tools in the crates with unknown usage but they appear to be used to grip something better. Again Jean declares this Soylent heretical and believes it is turning people into these Soyjacks. Him and Antione destroy the drinks and body pillows, whilst Lucky picks up a gripper tool. Then they gather up the coin into several large sacks and the rest is put into the now empty crates. They stash the loot in the room and will retrieve it on the way out.

There is another locked door in this room facing East. Lucky picks the lock with ease and they are taken into another large chamber. Their is a statue of some manga girl ( probably a loli.... ew!), but the party is more enamored by what else they find. There is a large silk tapestry depicting a gruesome scene. It depicts a different kind of soyjack with a disturbing grin and little eyes dressed in uniforms ripping people apart. Jean again wants to destroy but Lucky talks him out of it due to the potential worth of the tapestry. They remove and roll it. Behind the tapestry is another hidden door.

They enter the hidden chamber. Their are faded and torn tapestry's hanging off the Northern wall, beneath is a fountain statute. It appears to be a women with Mommy-E-Thot written across a scanty shirt exposing massive cleavage and bat wings. An obvious depiction of a succubus, again Jean deems its time to destroy the heresy. They tie up the statue with some green Irish rope and pull it down! It falls hits the ground and shatters into several large chucks of black marble.

Lucky wants to make the best out of the situation. He figures that he could sell a chunk of the black marble to an artist or craftsmen as some neat raw material. He looks for a good chunk and finds the breast that has E-Thot on it and decides its large enough to be sold.

The party finds another door in the South East corner of the room. They manage to open it and Antione decides to spike it open. They proceed down a L shaped hallway and come to another door taking them into a circular room.

The room contained a door directly to the East of the one they entered as well as a portcullis going North. The party really wanted to bend the bars of the portcullis so they spent some time doing so which didn't bear much until they made enough noise for a wondering monster encounter. Another lone soyjack ( I rolled a 1 on a D4 again!) this one being larger than the last one encountered.

The lone soyjack is able to win a round of surprise on the large group. He charges at them and makes a decent hit. He is able to survive for two combat rounds then is slain by the heroes.

They give up on the portcullis, and decide to go through the other door. The door is stuck naturally but they are able to make their way through to a hallway heading South. At the end of the hallway there is a door facing West. They pay a man at arms to open the door and he is shocked by a magic electric trap. They order Brother Weynon to cast dispel magic but he fails on is 50% chance at level one roll.

The party remembers the chamber with the loli statue so they go their to investigate. They check it out declare it heretical and tear down another statue. They head through archway in South of room to another hallway leading to a door facing East.

They enter the door to find a room with claw marks in the stone walls and flasks of empty Soylent strewn across the floor. The party tries some things but its not very interesting and nothing comes of it so then eventually decide its time to leave the dungeon. They go back to where they stowed the loot and it remained in its place. Everyone loads up and they head out with no encounters in the dungeon or on the way back to Dublin. They copy their map and sell it but because of crudeness only got twenty five gold per room as well as sell the Silk Tapestry. Lucky was unable to find a buyer for the black marble tit in Dublin.

Treasure and XP: Split three ways between the party and 10% of XP and treasure from Jean goes to Brother Weynon.

7,000 Gold Pieces - 7,000 XP

Silk psycho Wojack Tapestry - 150 Gold Pieces - 150 XP

Crudely Drawn Map 7 rooms. 175 Gold Pieces - 175 XP

2 Soyjacks - 76 XP

Rankings:

Jean Var Rouge - E - Destroyed lots of heretical items.

Antione La Flare - E - Cured blindness, and healed allies.

Lucky Bowmen III - S - Lucky played very well and came in clutch for the party. Only problem is he didn't steal extra treasure from the party when he had plenty of easy chances.